Picture the scene. It’s the middle of January, it’s freezing, the sky is a darker gray than the road I’d be riding on, I can’t remember the last time I saw the sun, and I’ve got training to do. Time to check the training plan. It’s -2 degrees and raining outside, so the turbo it is…
STEP 1:
Breakfast. I want to consume as many carbs as I can as quickly as possible. It’s gotta be granola, the most calorie-dense substance known to mankind! It takes a while, but my near 1000 calorie breakfast should be good for the 4 hours of zone 2 I have today. My fondness of this crunchy delight drops exponentially with every bite, but underfuelling is not an option.
STEP2:
Set up the bike. I reassemble my room so I can ride in front of my computer screen. Desk chair? See ya later mate, banished to the hallway, I’ve got a new seat for the next 4 hours. I’ll roll out my crusty turbo matt which at this point seriously needs a wash before I risk creating a biohazard. Probably still salt there from my very first set of VO2 max intervals 4 years ago.
STEP 3:
I’ll start to G myself up as I contemplate moving the actual turbo trainer from the corner of my room. Little known fact: the workout really starts here… the 20 kilo flywheel on that bad boy makes it a near immovable weight, but as I feel the power of Thor course through my veins, and focus on the perfect lifting form, “I AM WORTHY” I shout as I move this absolute tank of an item the 7 feet across my floor whilst simultaneously waking up my entire family. Whoops.
STEP 4:
With my body pumped full of adrenaline like I’ve just set a world record, I’ll go get my bike, take the wheel off and bolt it in. I like to do this without touching the chain but guess what… it fell off the chainring, so now I gotta spend the next few minutes scrubbing my hands to get all the grease off.
STEP 5:
Nutrition setup. I’ll fill a couple of bottles with water then add a few scoops of SiS GO Electrolyte powder to each. Lemon and Lime or Orange? I’ll flip a coin. They both taste awesome, and make a massive difference when you’re sweating out one of the seven oceans over the course of the ride. The carb content will help to fuel me through to the end of the ride. This is a very important anti-bonk measure to be taken. And the menthol helps with breathing and to tolerate the heat in the furnace that will no doubt become of my bedroom. Then I’ll place a few strawberry SiS GO Energy Bakes on my desk to make sure I’m fuelling well. I love those bars, they remind me of the bars I used to have as a kid. No such thing as too much fuel!
STEP 6 (FINAL STEP):
Zwift. Now at some point between step 1 and 2, I probably started zwift on my computer. I find having it there open is good for stopping any procrastination that might otherwise slip into the routine. The only issue with this is that funky music! Don’t get me wrong, I love a bit of funk just as much as the next person, but when that same loop plays before every ride, every eye watering, muscle destroying session… well then that tune becomes seriously associated with pain. I don’t like that music anymore. I blitz through the menu, pick my route, and connect my heart rate and power meter faster than the dude from Mr Robot ever could.
Everythings set up, I’m ready to rid- ahhhhhhh… where’s my sweat towel? I always forget that towel!
STEP 7 (FINAL FINAL LAST STEP I PROMISE):
Spend at least 20 minutes searching my house for the one critical component I forgot: the sweat towel. I feel like a detective, I trace my steps, when did I last use it? I interrogate my family, I know one of them hid it, I’m certain! I walk back into my room and pick it up off my bed, wait what. Oh. I put it on my bed when I was getting ready, and immediately forgot about it. Then proceed to blindly gloss over it as I tore my room apart in my quest to find it. Whoops again. OK, now! Now I can start my ride.
